Flavio is here! Born on the 20th August 2010. My precious angel is in his Mummy's arms.

I haven't written for a while as, understandibly there's been a lot to do! But I'm delighted to say that my darling baby has arrived and he is as gorgeous and angelic as I imagined, I couldn't have wished for a cuter baby. I'm tired from the night feedings but I love the feeling of being a Mummy and having a son.
Flavio is a happy and healthy baby and is much loved by all around him.
It all started on the 19th August, I was having light menstrual cramps and had an inkling that it might be the start of something but I'd been having a few contractions for a few days and thought they might just be braxton hicks or something, but at 4am I was woken up with what felt like proper period pains. I realised they might be contractions and A especially thought something was happening and so he started timing them. As I thought they were irregular and so I just wanted to go back to sleep but as I put my head back down on the pillow I got a strong period pain that lasted a few seconds. A started to get up out of bed and wanted to go to the hospital already but I wanted to wait as they told us at the antenatal course until they were 5 minutes apart. I tried to get back to sleep but I suddenly got an even stronger period pain that this time was quite painful and after this I agreed with A to go to the hospital. I sent a message to my parents because they wanted to know exactly when my contractions started, (they were as absorbed in this pregnancy as A and I). They wished me good luck and off we drove to the hospital.
 I had a few contractions in the car, but nothing like the big one I'd had previously at home. I was really excited thinking Flavio was on his way but I was very nervous and a part of me thought that it might be false labour too.
When we arrived at the hospital they put me on the fetal monitoring machine and surprisingly regular contractions were showing up even though I wasn't feeling them as much as I was at home (they weren't painful). I felt quite lucky as the woman next to me who was 38 was at 41+2 and still no sign of labour. Her monitor showed no contractions and she had to be admitted due to the late gestation. We started to talk a little and she was actually quite nice, she was making me laugh and the fact the laughs that I emitted showed up on the monitor made me laugh even more I just couldn't contain myself but it lightened up the situation a bit so I was happy. A was waiting eagerly outside in the waiting room. He was excited too. I have to say that looking back at this event it was one of the most exciting things in my life a bit like the anticipation for a holiday only multiplied by 10! I look on it with such awe and happiness in my heart, the birth of my little boy.

When the doctor read the result he said there were signs of labour but it wasn't actually active labour and seeing as I was dilated 2-3 cms he said I could decide whether to be admitted or not. I spoke to A about this. He said it was best for me to be admitted, my mum thought it was the best thing to stay in hospital seeing as I had the chance of being admitted and having a bed and like that they would do regular monitoring. I was just worried because the doctor said it could be a matter of days before the labour picked up. I didn't want to wait in a hospital bed for days before I gave birth! I mulled things over and agreed with A and went to tell them my decision. I suddenly felt so anxious as it hit me that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital without my baby in my arms! The doctor ordered me to walk around the hospital grounds to bring on the contractions. It was a lovely sunny hot august morning and the hospital had some beautiful gardens and a little chapel which A and I enjoyed walking around. It was kind of hard to walk as by now I felt so heavy and a leg kept giving way but still I enjoyed walking thinking it wasn't long til I see my baby!
When I couldn't walk any longer we went back in the hospital to have breakfast together.. cappuccino and cornetto! The typical Italian breakfast. It was around this time that I finally lost my mucous plug and it was quite disgusting. I didn't imagine it to be so big! Like an organ! I know quite gross but a major piece of information as labour sets in shortly after losing the plug.
A accompanied me to my ward and put my hospital bag away in my cupboard and was so sweet with me. He then went home to get changed and bring me some supplies of food and juices. I was taken to have blood tests, was shaved and then settled into my bed and tried to get some sleep as I was up since four a.m. I laid there for a while wishing on the contractions but they had slowed down and stopped! I was told this was normal and it can happen only to have them come back in a matter of days. I didn't want to stay in hospital for a matter of days!! After about an hour or so I was called to have another NST but was told to go into the labour room as there was no room at the emergency room.
The labour room was really technological with allsorts of modern machines and was really clean and new looking. A midwife hooked me up and gave me the controller for the bed, I could move it up or down as I liked. It was so much better than having the NST in the emergency room! The woman who I was talking to previously was in the labour room next to mine, coincidentally she was in the bed next to mine in the maternity ward too! The monitoring started at 16:16 on the 19th August. I familiarised myself with the room, taking it in all. I imagined how many women had gone into labour in that room. I was anxious but excited and when I finally had a painful contraction and slowly but surely the contractions were showing up and were quite regular I realised this was it. They weren't all painful but an odd contraction would come along and take my breath away with the pain. After all the wondering what a contraction would be like, I can finally describe it perfectly: an excrutiating period pain. Some people feel it all the way around their abdomen and in their back but I just felt them at the front and when they started getting bad I wanted to tell the midwife who came in to check on me every 10 minutes or so. My friend had been taken off the NST with no contractions and came to see me. When I told her that I was having bad pains she got me the midwife. She wished me luck and went back to the ward and I was left there on my bed in the labour room finally going into labour. 
I sent a message to A saying that I'd had a big painful contraction again and he called me straight away saying that he was on his way to the hospital, I asked him if he thought this was it and he said yes. I couldn't actually take in the fact it was finally happening after what seemed like years of waiting!
I was getting really nervous as I was so used to be getting sent away from the NST and going home but this time I was staying in there hooked up, I wouldn't be going home this time! The nurse was so calm, she was so used to this, but I was very nervous.
The midwife checked my dilation and said I was nearing a 4 and asked me if I was having an epidural. I said I was. I decided to have one after feeling the pain of the contractions because I realised I wasn't one of those lucky ones who didn't feel all that much pain and say labour is easy. I wanted to have the needle inserted when A was with me so I asked if I could have him with me!
A finally turned up after I'd had the drip needle put in my arm and after they'd called the anaesthetist to come and do my epidural. The nurse passed by my room and told me A was outside waiting impatiently to come in and they'd given him his green hat and shirt to get into whilst waiting. I don't know why he had to wait. I ended up having the epidural before he got in. I was quite nervous about it and I held onto the nurse that was stood in front of me for comfort as the anaesthetist inserted first a small needle which I felt just as a prick and then she told me to stay very still as she inserted the larger needle. I felt it go through the nerves in my spine and even though I wouldn't describe it as painful it made me go queasy as it was a strange sensation.
She said I would feel the benefit within 10 minutes of it. Shortly after I had another huge breath taking contraction and I was so glad I got the epidural as it was so painful, an undescribable pain that everyone tells you that goes through childbirth.
Slowly but surely the pain eased away and I discovered how amazing the epidural was. I saw the contractions showing up on the monitor but didn't actually feel the pain. I was just talking to A sat on the bed as my contractions were getting stronger. Seeing them so close together and strong on the machine I wondered how I would've coped without the epidural.
Luckily one of the trainee midwives that I'd got to know a little towards the end of my pregnancy showed up on her shift just as I was about 4 hours into my labour. My anxiety lessened a little knowing that she was now there looking after me. We hugged and talked a little and A was still sat calmly on the bed chatting with us. My water bag still hadn't broken and was slowing down the labour process so a couple of nurses came to try and break it. They inserted a thin plastic rod thing inside and said it was a very strong bag as it was resisting their attempts to break it! When it finally broke I didn't feel anything nor did I want to see them cleaning up the remains of amniotic liquid. Apparently labour was progressing well after that.
After a while a senior midwife came in and checked my dilation, she said I was about an 8 and to start squatting by the bed to help the head come down into the birth canal. I did as she said. She told me to look at the monitor and to see when a contraction is coming and to gently push as if I was going to the toilet!
This is where the panic started. I started to feel pain again as my epidural had finished as I saw the contractions coming on the screen I was feeling tremendous pain in my abdomen. The senior midwife said that I couldn't have another epidural as I needed to feel the pain to be able to push well at the end. But the pain was starting to get excrutiating! From here my nice fairytale labour started to turn into a nightmare.
I was for what seemed like an eternity trying to push the head down into the birth canal they kept on checking me and pulling a face as if to say 'no there's something not right here' but they weren't actually telling me anything they were just talking amongst themselves. There was a young pretty midwife with dark hair and big brown eyes that I'll always remember who took over from this part onwards. She had red cherry earrings and I just remember keep looking into those big brown eyes with long lashes wishing she would say I was nearly finished but she just kept on checking me and trying to manoeuvre the head with her hands and whispering to her colleagues who were all sat on my bed taking part. Time was passing by and I was still in agony and still being prodded and poked and having the same perplexed looks. I was panicking so much that I was trying to find a position in which the pain subsided a little but nothing worked. I ended up staggering in circles next to the bed with all the wires attached to me and I remember the midwives shouting at me to get back on the bed but their voices were going in one ear and going out the other. They just seemed like a blur even though they were shouting quite assertively. A was saying 'what are you doing?' and I just replied 'I can't take it anymore, please do something!'.
I finally got back onto the bed and tried staying on all fours the midwives said this was ok and said to really start pushing. But the pain was too excrutiating and pushing made it worse. I didn't understand. I'd always read about the desire to push being so strong and doing so made you feel better. I had no desire and pushing just amplified the pain. I turned around and led on my side, I remember thinking I just want to curl up and die I wasn't bothered about the consequences I just wanted the pain to stop. I looked up at the crucifix hung on the wall and thought now I understand why they say women are born to suffer. The midwives were shouting at me to turn around onto my back but I just couldn't. I was crying and moaning and A got told to go outside as 'these aren't nice things to see'. They kept checking and prodding and poking and whispering and I was asking if there was something wrong but they didn't ever answer me. They just kept telling me to push as hard as I can. I've always been told that I have strong abdomen muscles and I have a flat stomach because I'm a sporty kind of person so I knew I could push very hard but I was being demoralised as every time I pushed like crazy I was being told it wasn't good enough. I realised the best thing to do was to push even if I was scared that my lungs were going to burst. Hours were passing by and I was still pushing still in excrutiating pain and without any pain relief. They'd even put me on an oxytocin drip to amplify the contractions even more, even though I had been told my contractions were perfect, strong and close together. I knew there was a problem. A was outside poking his head around the door every so often looking terribly worried. At one point I noticed the midwives looked a little more concerned than before and A was looking at the monitor machine. Our friend midwife who was stroking me and trying to help me noticed A looking and her words terrified me 'yes his heartbeat is raising, don't worry it'll be ok' Then I noticed on the screen and I was hearing the fast beats the heartrate was at 200 beats per minute. I was frantic. My legs were covered in blood and the bed sheets but there was no sign of this baby coming out. I was in such a state, exhausted and scared. At this point I started begging for pain relief. I was crying and begging my friend saying that I promised I'd push harder if they just gave me an epidural. The senior midwife heard and said 'NO, NO this baby has to be born! Tonight! Don't you want to see your son?'
As soon as she had left the room my friend called the anaesthetist to come and do another epidural and I felt SO relieved. As soon as I was given the epidural I continued to feel pain but it was getting more and more muffled and I could finally concentrate to push. I was told there WAS a problem and for some reason every time I pushed the baby would go back up again. There was something blocking the head. This baby was too big for me after all and I should've had a caesarean. I was screamed at to push as hard as I could and I remember pushing and my head feeling like it was going to explode along with my lungs. Finally I was told that if I pushed just a little harder they would let my partner come in and see the head. Wow! My baby's head! So there was some progress! I did another life threatening push and I saw A's face enlighten as he saw the head. A doctor was called in due to the complications and he checked me and then all of a sudden the midwives were putting their little hats on and the delivery room was being prepared. I was told to walk to the delivery room from my bed just a few metres away but I didn't care now I knew my baby was about to be born. Walking to the delivery room I felt his head in my birth canal and I kind of waddled there, a feeling I'll never forget the strangest thing ever! It was also a feeling of victory. I'd got that head there with my own strength despite the agony it took to get it there, despite the complications.
I sat up on that big delivery chair like it was a throne! Doctors and midwifes surrounded me and that big circular light was on me like a spotlight! 'PUSH!' they all said and I pushed another mighty push. I then saw the girl with the big brown eyes and red cherry earrings take what looked like hedge sheers and I knew I was about to be cut. This sent a rush of relief through me strangely enough. I knew I had to be cut to get him out. When she'd finished they shouted push again and all of a sudden the doctor who had checked me suddenly got on top of me and with his elbow strongly pushed down on my belly. I saw stars in front of my eyes as if I was about to pass out but I didn't. Then I saw what's probably the most moving image of my entire life. I saw his head pop out of me followed by his body and then taken away to a table next to me where I heard his cry for the first time! This was it! Flavio was here! A had seen the whole delivery and was crying. 'E' nato!' he said (he's born!) and I just remember being relieved to not feel that pain again. The placenta was delivered shortly after and I was given Flavio to hold for the first time after he had been cleaned up. He was wrapped in a dark green sheet and I remember feeling his warm heavy body on my chest. The most emotional thing was when I saw his little perfect face. He was looking right into my eyes, quiet and alert. It was as if he recognised his mother. The eye contact was beautiful, I felt so special. They then took him away. That was it. I had done it! I had given birth! I was shaking like a leaf but I felt so empowered knowing I'd done what is probably the hardest task on earth. He was born at 00:05 on the 20th August.
Luckily he survived another complication after that detachment. The labour I was told was a very difficult and risky one due to the baby's weight, he turned out to be 3.9kg which was over his estimated weight and the pushing stage was way too long. He risked his health but thanks to the doctor that did that awful manoeuvre pushing down on me he finally came out.
I was however very lucky because after my labour it was on the news that many women had had difficult labours like mine where their babies had suffered heart attacks causing irreversible damage. These stories frightened me knowing that that could have happened to me. My heart goes out to their families and I cannot even imagine how they feel.
I didn't sleep that night I just couldn't wait for them to wheel in my baby and look at him and hold him. I was also all tender and bruised and felt my stitches stinging me but the feeling of euphoria overrode everything.

38 + weeks

This has certainly been an eventful week! After doing my first NSTs (fetal monitoring) my baby was always the noisiest, the one moving around making the nurses sigh because they have to keep finding the heartbeat again when he flipped positions. It wasn't a surprise when they noticed he had an irregular heartbeat that went up and down. He constantly moves during the NST maybe he feels uncomfortable or gets stressed out because he doesn't know what's going on, those belts are always strapped on so tightly! Due to these irregular heartbeats I was told to retake the test many times only to be told that he was particularly active.
I even had a false alarm this week when A and I were returning from a meal with friends. I had pains at the top of my belly, it felt like the baby was winding me with his feet and the pain was making me cry out a little. I felt my belly getting hard and tensing up but this was way less uncomfortable than the winding feeling I got by those little active feet kicking around! So A decided to take me to the hospital.
They hooked me up to the NST machine again and to my surprise a few contractions were appearing. One contraction was actually quite strong as it measured 90 for a few seconds. The nurse told me 'it could be the start of labour, we'll have to see'.. this got me so excited, I wasn't at all anxious about labour I was just excited that it was finally happening. I told A, 'he's going to be born on the 5th!' and he got all excited too, he asked me if he should go and pick up my hospital bag.
They decided to give me an injection of Spasmex to stop contractions if it's false labour and indeed after waiting half an hour and taking the test again, my contractions had eased off. And back home we went. I was a little disappointed but I didn't mind, obviously Flavio needs a little more time in there.
My last NST was on Thursday and they had me coming back the next day due to this accelerated heartbeat again only to dismiss it as the baby moving a lot. The nurse noticed that my feet were swollen and decided to take my blood pressure. 140/100! She immediately told the doctor and he told her to take it again in ten minutes. She did so and confermed the result. She said it was particularly high and I had to take it again when I'd finished the test. The test was fine this time round,  he must've been sleeping for once. When she took my blood pressure it had gone down to 130/95 but said it was still high. The doctor sent me home with the prescription for some medicine. I decided to ring my gynecologist who immediately told me that the hospital should've admitted me straight away with blood pressure so high. She said that it was best for me to be induced as soon as possible.. This got me worried! She told me to go to another hospital where they were more likely to admit me and induce me. I hesitantly accepted and we headed to the other hospital. There they took my blood pressure which was still quite high but not worringly so and they hooked me up to yet another NST. I've had my fair share of fetal monitoring, that night I couldn't take it anymore, I just wanted to go home. There were a few contractions coming up on the result but the nurse said they were preparatory because they were irregular. After taking my blood pressure once again, it had gone down to 120/70 and so I was sent home. How stressful was that day! We decided to buy a blood pressure measuring home kit so I could monitor regularly but since then it has always been in the norm.
And we're back to playing the waiting game..!

37 weeks. FULL TERM!!!

I cannot believe I've got this far along! I've had contractions all the way through this pregnancy due to the detachment and this always made me think baby wants to leave me as early as possible! Well it's obviously not the case. I'm now 37 + 1 and Flavio seems like he doesn't want to budge, he seems to be comfortable in here! My gynecologist says he is bigger than average and if he doesn't make his appearance soon I'll risk having an emergency cesarean after hours of pushing with no luck. Unfortunately they don't induce here unless the baby is in distress so I'll have to get to at least 40 weeks before they take action. It was the last appointment we'll have with her, now I've just got fetal monitoring appointments and we're basically waiting for the contractions to come on.
My belly is enormous and heavy and I'm swelling up all over especially in my hands, my fingers are sore and I can't even move them in the morning! First I have to get the feeling back into them and then slowly move them softly until I can bend them and straighten them out.
What gets me is that I'm still hungry all the time which makes me wonder if this means he's still growing. He now weighs 3.6 kilos that's 8 lbs I think and that's probably all I could push out due to the size of me! I don't have childbearing hips, why is my baby so big?! I'm quite pleased in a way though, at least that means he's healthy!
Flavio, I've tried to get everything ready for you, Mummy's anxiously waiting to meet you and hold you in her arms.

36 + weeks

It's been another busy couple of weeks what with battling to get an appointment for fetal monitoring at the hospital and doing the last blood tests and salmonella tests required for both me and A (who is going to be present at the birth). We battled and we won. We've got it all done including the fetal monitoring which was one of the hardest tasks seeing as half of the expectant mothers in Rome are all trying to book them at this very hospital. I've got an appointment with my gynecologist Saturday where I'll be one day away from being 37 weeks and officially full-term!
It's all very exciting at the moment but at the same time the anxiety related to the actual birthing process is mounting up.. I'm quite nervous about labour and what to expect, everyone keeps on going on about how utterly agonising and painful it is: this really doesn't help! I can understand that it's going to be painful but all this emphasis on the pain is just making me terrified. I hadn't given labour a second thought until recently and all at once the anxiety of it all has set in. I'm going to do my breathing excercises that they taught us in my antenatal classes just to calm me down a bit!!!
So yesterday I had my first monitoring appointment. It was quite moving as it brought back a few memories of when I was in hospital and as I was going in to be scanned there they were, the 'full term pregnancy' women with their enviable big bellies going to be monitored whilst I was in a wheelchair with nothing but a tiny bit of swelling around my waist unable to move freely for fear of aborting. Now it was me the 'full time pregnancy' woman with a big belly confidantly walking over to the comfy bed and being attached to the monitoring machine and hearing a strong heart beat: that of my little baby, now as healthy as can be with no threats at all.
It was quite relaxing just led there on a reclinable chair in a big air conditioned room with four other women just enjoying the view of the hills from the wide windows at the other end of the room. Flavio probably wondered what was going on having those pads strapped tightly around him, he kept flipping around poor thing. The doctor then checked the printed off papers and said all was fine and to come back next week. No sign of contractions yet so apparently labour isn't imminent.
This week has been quite exciting as A and I are buying our family home. We've decided to stay where we are in the country just outside Rome. There are some beautiful villas here and being away from the chaos and pollution of Rome is priceless. We think we've decided on our future house. It's a new construction still being built. It has gardens and a terrace and I liked the fact it was very light inside. We haven't put in an offer yet but of all of the houses we've seen, this is our favourite and I'm already starting to dream about living there. Exciting times! A new house and a baby on the way...

34 weeks

34 + weeks!

What a week it has been! In and out of the chosen hospital doing test after test and booking fetal monitoring which I have to do once a week from 35 weeks.
It hasn't been easy. Rome is now in the middle of a lethal heatwave with temperatures soaring (over 40 degrees celcius) so going out in this climate is awful. I'm a sun-worshipper and I love warmer climates but anybody would be afraid of melting in this heat! It really is too hot.
I had an electrocardiogram which stated 'tachycardia' but this was due to the fact I was lying on my back (which pregnant women should never do) and I felt quite light headed and so my heartbeat went a little haywire. I also had the appointment for the epidural. The doctor explained in detail the procedure and all risks involved it was really quite scary I just wanted her to stop listing all these terrifying consequences as I was already feeling quite faint. After she'd finished A came in with my pregnancy files and we went over my blood analysis' and I got asked a few questions about general health and that of my family. I passed the tests and got written permission to have an epidural if I desired it. Yippee!
I had to have a general check up with a mid-wife and gynecologist from the hospital which went fine and now all there is left to do is book weekly fetal monitoring. We've tried on various occasions to book these but the hospital has so many patients you have to be lucky to get a place. We'll try again Monday morning and if there's no luck I'll have to book at a private clinic.
One of the most surprising events of the week was at my appointment with my private gynecologist. She calculated my baby's weight to be just over 3kg! That's much heavier than average, he should weight that when he's born! She did however finally admit that this being the case it could be that baby Flavio makes his appearance a little earlier than anticipated but of course it's impossible to know exactly.
We're starting to get excited about the birth now. I still can't imagine finally holding my baby for the first time, hearing his first cry as he's born, I just know it will be the most emotional event ever. I can't wait to kiss him and thank him for being such a little fighter and never giving up. I can't imagine how it will feel taking him home. A and I will be parents, Mother and Father! It just sounds like such an important role but I can't wait to enter into it.

33 + weeks!!

We're getting there, baby boy! I think you're going to be a strong little baby, those tiny feet are capable of some fierce karate kicks, are those elbows that I see rolling from one side of my bump to the other? One thing is for sure, you're very active and that's quite reassuring! The jabs in my ribcage are quite painful but it makes me smile thinking that jab is a miniature foot with tiny little nails on it, how cute is that?
I'm so blessed to have shared this experience with you baby boy we've been the closest any two people can ever be in that your life depends on me and strangely enough my life now depends on you. If I get ill, you get ill, if I die you die but on a more spiritual level if I'm happy you thrive off my happiness whereas if I'm upset I feel your distress. If I'm tired, you sleep and if I laugh you wriggle around contentedly. What a couple we are! Yet you don't know who I am nor I do you I just feel as though I have to protect you by all means, my little world now revolves around you, my heart beats for the survival of us both and my lungs are breathing enough oxygen for two, your little body is enclosed in mine and your soul is in my heart forever.
I'm now thinking about how you're going to be physically and personality-wise. I think you'll be fair haired like me but maybe you'll have golden skin like your father and maybe I'm biased but I think you'll be perfect! I think you'll be kind-hearted, have a big personality and hopefully you'll be confident and bright. You'll be bilingual like your Mummy but you'll be half-English and half-Italian I hope you'll acquire the best of both mentalities.
I'll do all I can to bring you up in the best way possible, you'll be my biggest joy and I want to teach you what I had to learn for myself the hard way. I'm not going to be over-protective, I want you to live all your experiences to the maximum but I'll be keeping my eye on you! I want you to be well-mannered and educated but worldly wise and able to understand and empathise with people from all walks of life. I realise you'll be who you are and I will only be able to advise you but I'll make sure you get the best start I can possibly offer you as your mother. You've given me so much joy already, it's the least I can do for my baby boy, my fantastic Flavio!