Monday, May 16, 2011

There's no place like home

Sometimes I just close my eyes and want to go back to the days I felt loved, secure, peaceful-minded and 'at home'. It takes me back to the first house I lived in with Mum, Dad and my brother. I have so many happy memories of that sweet, happy, smoothly-run family home. Back to the days of innocence where everything was so easy and what wasn't; someone else took care of. I feel like this when I get overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a mother of a baby and a partner who can sometimes seem like a baby too.
I want to create this sweet family home for Flavio too but sometimes it seems as if our ideas are so different. Being quite a quiet, peace-loving person I tend to let others get the better of me but I'm so passionate about this concept. I want this family to work. I want to raise happy children that feel secure in their family nest. It's hard trying to create this with someone who hasn't grown up in a happy family environment and hasn't experienced this family bond that I have. A really wants to participate in the search towards family happiness but his past is his biggest obstacle. How can you set standards that haven't been set for you? How can you aspire to reach a type of happiness you have never felt? A listens to my stories of happy family holidays and little memories that pop into my head now and again and he loves hearing these things but he has never told me a single happy memory from his past. This makes me sad. He must harbour a lot of sorrow.
It's hard trying to bring up a child with someone from a different nationality and even harder with someone who has quite a background of family break-ups. The most important thing is, though, that he loves us and he is working with me to achieve this goal of a happy, united family.
I can't believe Flavio is going to be 9 months old in four days time. Where does the time go? He has TWO beautiful bottom milk teeth and is getting way too heavy to be carried all the time. If he doesn't start walking soon I'll start turning into a hunch-back! He now tries to pull himself up on me when I'm sat on the sofa and he pulls up into standing position. I think he'll skip crawling. He doesn't know what to do when he's on his front.. he just spins around on his tummy!