Friday, May 14, 2010

A rough start

'It surely couldn't be' I thought to myself that cold day in November as I was walking around the shopping centre with my loved one. It had been a stressful month, even more so than last month, trying to cope with anxiety attacks, the result of the stressful events my life lately had thrown at me. Those things I thought I was strong enough to cope with, actually had grown out of proportion and were torturing me in the form of terrifying panic attacks and general anxiety. I consider myself as being an emotional but strong person capable of handling anything life throws at me and making it into something easy and nice. I've always been a fighter and always had to fight against some difficult situation always to come through the other end relatively unscarred (despite accumulated stress which always reared it's ugly head after a while in a form of anxiety). So the first thing you should know is that my life has been like a crazy rollercoaster ride full of ups, beautiful, exciting, nauseating ups; and downs, down as far down as you can imagine. One good aspect of being me though is that I'm sensible and level-headed, so even in the worst of situations I've never done anything that I knew would harm me long term even when surrounded by naughty things that could have allured a weaker person.
One of my salvations was him, A. My true love. A loving and affectionate man that swept me under his wing just at the right time in my life. The only downside to A was that he had a past. An ex wife, freshly seperated with a child. But with the love I had for this man, nothing else mattered, as long as we were together.
Getting back to where we were, I didn't think something like this could ever happen. After 6 months of actively trying and each period as punctual as your landlord waiting to be paid, I finally had the inkling that I may be pregnant. By this time I knew my body perfectly, ovulation tests weren't necessary as I instinctively knew when I was fertile by my bodily changes. My period was a day late and the thing that had me most suspicious was the fact my boobs were still tender. That tenderness faded away about a week before my cycle began.
So walking around the shopping centre on that cold day of November, I cautiously thought 'I could be pregnant...' and a whirlwind of hope lit up inside me.

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